omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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