I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
