I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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