I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
