Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just found a bag of teeth...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
