Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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