Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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