PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
