what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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