this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
only if we run a train.
done.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
