he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
