the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
