one two three fourrrrnication!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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