she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
