You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
