What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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