I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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