Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
