I'm really into asian looking animals
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
