guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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