He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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