nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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