Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
