Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
