so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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