There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
