Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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