He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
