I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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