Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
one might say we're banned from that church
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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