Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
