We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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