we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She said her name was "party"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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