i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
