You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
