genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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