I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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