Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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