I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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