btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
