So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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