new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
