yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
