Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
