we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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