I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
