pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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