All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Welp...herpes.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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