It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
