Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
