Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize