I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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