shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
