I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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