I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
