what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
