We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
