you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
