Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
