i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize