Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Randomize
