HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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