The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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