Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize