I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
