GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
