dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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