This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
