Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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