why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
