I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
