Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
