I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
