I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize