So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
