I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
