Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?

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(205): View more from Alabama

I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away

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(937): View more from Ohio

Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.

(970): View more from Colorado

I am going to be fat forever.

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(801): View more from Utah

Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.

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(509): View more from Washington

I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..

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(830): View more from Texas

Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.

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(410): View more from Maryland

Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID

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