Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
