A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize